Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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