rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
