I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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