sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
