my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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