Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
