I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
