i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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