i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
