You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
