my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
