u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
