would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
