I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I am one with the molecules
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
