I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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