a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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