So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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