babies were throwing up all over the place
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
