I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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