Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
