3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
