i permit you to call me
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
