Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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