Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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