yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
