Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm so fucking centered right now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
