I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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