The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize