Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
