i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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