how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
