So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
