Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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