I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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