Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
