well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
