I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
