You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
