he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
