This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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