WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You ruined the universe
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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