i permit you to call me
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
