and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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