So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
