Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
