If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You smell like stripper and shame
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
