No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
