I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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