i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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