I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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