She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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