Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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