Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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