let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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