OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
