Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
