??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
