do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
