If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
