first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All I want is dick and wine.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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