No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the condom got lost in my hair
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
