evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
