Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
