she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
