He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize
