Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
