census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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