I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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