i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
