Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
