well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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