any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
