the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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