You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
