I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
