I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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