You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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