hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
