Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
