Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
