Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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