I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
