you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
