i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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