I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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