i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
