I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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