I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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