forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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