you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize