It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
